Beginnings From Endings

Life is a series of births and deaths beginnings and endings and so forth. I am currently experiencing an ending of sorts in love and in art. I am also discovering that from those endings something has been birthed within me. My ending in love was not an abrupt one, it was slow and erroding. It was silent and once I ended it, there was no anger or feelings of panic. There was only the absolute certainty that it should end. I wasn't sure that I would actually be losing a friend when I thought about it. I thought about what friendship was. I thought about the mutual closeness and support of friendship, and the the ability to comfort one another in times of uncertainty. I had given that and more. I had loved unconditionally. I gave freely and its end in the form it was in was not because of anyone's fault. I don't think there is a reason to even use the words fault and end. There was no situation of predator and prey or good and bad, there were just two people who had different ideas of love and friendship.

It ended and then I left with enough on the inside to begin again.

My artwork changed as well. The long anamorphic figures which had a beautiful but emmaciated look to them no longer seemed connected to me. The fact of the matter is that they had become constructions to sell. Once they stopped selling, their worth to me waivered. They were no longer being made from the soul. I made them for money.

My new work is large and gregarious. It is happy but solitary. It is who I am and who I want to be. I want my work to truly be an extention of the part of me that smiles on the inside. Since I am not making them for the sake of selling, there is no need for me to consider a market. I would like to make large scale bronzes of the originals, but the true motivation for these statues is self discovery and allowing myself to define my own happiness.

The people I have in my life have made such an impact on me. I am finally finding balance in friendship, potential love and art.