Tao, Self Truths and Stuff

Alright, the ability to find humor even in the bleakest of circumstances is a talent that few people have. I am honing this skill like a fine blade. I have to otherwise, I might become a vigilante. First and foremost I really don't have time for a social life but every blue moon I take a break from my dim lit computer and get out amongst the people. I gotta say the more I leave society and then return to it, the less interesting it is becoming. I won't speak for the rest of the world, but it seems as though the part I reside in is losing belief in dreams and higher aspirations. It's like we are becoming apathetic vessels of acceptance. "Life is a Bitch and then you die" is the order for the day. When I speak of my dreams, I am immediately met with that WTF look. I've had to learn the hard way that some people don't speak the same language. I'm no better than they are, just different. I used to think that by giving the world the best of me, I would be rewarded in turn. That isn't true. When I thought like that, it would kill me. When I was used and tossed aside without so much as a thank you I used to take it personally. Taoism has given me a tool to survive with. It has taken the chip from my shoulder. I no longer take it personal when people attempt to get over. It doesn't affect my need to do good. While I'm not going to let the mules of the world donkey kick me in the ass, there is little point in trying to speak truth to a bitter deaf person. I am better served walking my path and acknowledging people but not stopping. It occurred to me that my role in life may not be the one that I wanted but it is my role.

Not a bad thing though.

Lately I have been flying above the fray watching people. I have watched the greed, the self manipulation and absorption, the deception and the ones who complain about their lives after subscribing to all of that. What did these people expect? What was supposed to happen? I recall a friend who dated a man with another still in her heart. This new guy was good for her but she continued to return to her old stomping ground all while telling this new person he was the light of her life and how much she wanted to get married. She lied to him and herself. She copped the "I'm so confused" theme that many of us use when we don't want to admit to just being fucked up. The relationship dissolved and now she has no one, not even the one she still cared for. The funny part is, this person she pined away for never returned her love, the one who did couldn't get her love so this silly cycle of people chasing people ensued. Sometimes you have to stop and think about who is chasing who, why they are chasing who they are, and if anyone is chasing you. We always chase after things that usually don't belong to us and the things we own, we neglect. I suppose that could be a human flaw.

Let's be real, it's an idiot's flaw.

I've been an idiot on many levels of my life, but the older I get, the more clear things become to me. I watch the actions of people I listen to what they are asking for. I challenge them to really define happiness and companionship. I challenge them to define their ambitions as an entrepreneur. When I get vague answers such as "I want to be a business man" but they can't explain how they plan to go about doing it, let alone what kind of business, I steer clear. When I speak to a woman that wants a good man but can't define goodness outside of occupation and the ability to fill a self inflicted hole within her, I steer clear. When I speak to a person who has nothing to his or her name and they are trying to explain to me how to save money, I steer clear. The sadness of all of this is that they really don't know they are this kind of person. Who wants to be known as a discontent vessel of confusion? Who wants to accept that they are listless dreamers without a clue? Who wants to admit they are business men without the business? Who wants to admit that the love and companionship they require isn't even in them to give in return.

Who wants to admit to being fucked up?

Almost no one. It took me years to admit it myself.