At this point I am not proud to say it but I never really wanted to be a dad. I never liked the idea of someone being totally dependent on me to live. I loved my solitary life before and I am somewhat selfish as far as my personal space goes. My artwork has shifted (what little I am able to do) and my brain is swimming. I prepared for all instances in my life except this. This whole process is teaching me a lesson: You will never be ready for everything.
You can be ready to go on the journey.
My daughter will be named Olivia. She will need to be loved by both parents even if the parents part company and disolve their union. I owe my daughter the opportunity to experience both parents under the same roof as a cohesive loving unit. Is it in my personality type to open my life to this kind of committment? The answer to that is no. I have to be honest, I have had enormous difficulty accepting a life without privacy or a quiet space to contemplate art. I have had difficulty leaving the life I built for a new life that until now, would have made me cringe. In eight to 10 weeks I will be a father and to a certain extent my life will not be my own anymore.
It no longer matters if I am ready for it, I have to be.
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