Art vs Life or is Art Life?

I haven't had much time to check in and write much of anything. I haven't written since my daughter was born. I hadn't written since we finally finished Transcend. I hadn't written since my life changed from what it once was. There is a saying that change is good and makes you a better person.

I don't really know about that.

I think the experience gained from change is good but the actual act of change can leave you reeling. My daughter Olivia came about quite unexpectedly. I was going through a change prior to her that left me reeling and actually resulted in her. There has been little time to examine how I feel about the changes in my life and the changes resulting from those who have left my life. The person that I am now is the most resilient human being I have ever known. A child can give you an emotional fortitude you didn't have before.

You eat shit that you wouldn't have.

You listen to shit that you wouldn't have.

You deal with people that you wouldn't have.

You do it for her. You do it because she is worth it.

She connects two people whether or not they stay together. But despite the chivalry and duty, there is the realization that who I am as a visual artist has changed. Achieving my goals has now become paramount. I am not a college graduate, I have health issues, and I am not primed for any other occupation except that of an artist. Yet, I find there is little time to finish what I started. There is a level of selfishness of being an artist that is prerequisite. I realize that I have two jobs; one that pays and one that doesn't. I also realize that I must still be a human being and check in with her. The expenditure of energy to stay afloat for her is taxing. Those left have become emotional casualties. Deep down inside I know that if I fail with my artistic endeavors, there is little left for me to give a partner as art completes me. I cannot let go of what I am trying to do. Those people I lose along the way were meant to be.

Olivia, however will always be my daughter. My success will be her success and I am close.