It's been awhile since I wrote in this blog. A lot has changed and as for myself, I am not as much of a romantic as I thought I was. Today is a fight for magic and belief in something that is not governed by probability and logic. Those notions though I know them to be true make me sad at times. I would like to believe in fate because that would mean everyone has purpose and no one is completely out there. Unfortunately, logic and it's cold hand has revealed an icy truth to me; there is nothing except the chemical reactions around us and within us. There is no magic except in the inspiration I have in myself to create. It has been touched by the specter of logic and practicality but it hasn't been destroyed. Almost, but almost is better than the alternative. I have asked myself why I create these days. Until recently, I created simply because I needed to. Ultimately, I started creating to pay a bill or two. Once it became a practical act, it stopped being a magical endeavor. Hence, the soul of my work left.
And I think people could feel it.
There is a power in work with part of your soul in it. It's what makes people, even those who are not in the "art circles" stop and experience a moment of awe while looking at it. I think if there is a God, artists are the closest thing to it's image and likeness. To be able to bring something into the world that has its own life is a gift. Women have babies and I think I understand the attachment now. When it comes from you, and is a part of you, you love it. But art isn't a baby in the same way. Once you create something that affects you there is the big chance that it is time to do something that is hard to do.
Sell it.
You put a price on it and you decide that is what a piece of your soul is worth.
It's a hard thing to do, but that is what I gauge my art by. If I feel like I am giving up a part of me, then that piece is ready to go. It's a spiritual masterpiece in my heart. Putting a price on it is a dagger to the chest. And guess what? I have to do it again, and again, and again. It's a process of create, sell, mourn, repeat. Therein lies how the artist is different than most other professions. It requires you to have time to mourn the loss of what you create and give up. It is a selfish life because if done correctly you, will isolate people close to you until you are done with the process. That process could take days or weeks and those who love you are forced to wait on you to return to Earth. Some of them will get tired of your constant existing between being present and being some other place mentally and spiritually. They will feel neglected they will feel insecure because of the lore that surrounds you and they may leave you.
They will become people that don't matter. You will feverishly create because birthing your creation is your life's blood. You will break your lover's heart because they will be the mistress to your soulmate which is your art. And you will lose the ability to see things in the same shades of colors they do. You will disconnect and be driven mad by the need to be prolific in your output. You will be lonely but unable to live with anyone. And you will be remembered....That is, if you are doing it right.
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